Turning Worriers into Warriors is our friendly and realistic parenting seminar design to help parents worry less about childhood worry. By giving parents no-nonsense information, practical tools and further resources, TWIW supports whānau to navigate worry without worrying themselves. But there are often questions and topics that we can’t get to, or we aren’t the experts in, so we’ve put this extra guide together to keep the learning going.
The Main Message
Worry is almost always normal. Having some worry in our lives is an essential part of being a human and helps us stay safe, get stuff done and be alert. As kids go through developmental stages the expected worries will change with them and a parent, caregiver and safe adults’ role during this is to help them navigate the worries, manage and learn how to cope.
Parenting is all about having a toolbox full of information, tips and strategies, so when things get sticky, you’re confident you have a tool (or two) for the job. And the research says you don’t have to get it perfect to raise resilient kids, good enough is good enough. So, check out the resources, strategies and topic-specific links below for more tools to help you grow through worry and raise resilient kids without too much worry yourself.
The Upstairs & Downstairs Brain is a way we think about the brain of children and young people.
- Mind Matters – Children Managing Emotions
- The Whole-Brain Child – Book by Dr. Dan Siegel
- How to Teach Kids About the Brain: Practical Tool (by Dr Hazel Harrison) – Hey Sigmund
The Three R’s is a strategy for co-regulation. It has become a favourite parenting tool around the world. Through regulation, relation and reasoning, adults can help children learn and build future resilience.
- The Three R’s – Diagram
- Being With Instead of Diving In – Parenting Place
- Managing Big Feelings Together – Co-regulation Video
“I Feel…” Statements are an essential tool for all people to learn. This communication tool helps people learn to convey their feelings and needs in an assertive way.
Worried about… The World
Worries about current events, the climate, wars, social justice issues and the stuff on the news is an understandable and valid worry but this can leave parents feeling stuck on what their role is here.
- Parenting Place | How to talk to your kids about scary events
- Parenting Place | Helping kids make sense of the news
- Worries about the news and the world | Mental Health | YoungMinds (a very thorough guide for UK Teens worried about current events)
- Skylight Trust | Helping Tamariki and Rangatahi Cope with Natural Disasters
Worried about… Friends
Friends whether there is too many, not enough, they’re too mean or too close, it is a source of worry for kids of any age (and adults too!). Here are a few places to look for more guidance on navigating the social life of a child and the stress it brings.
- Parenting Place | Should parents help their kids make friends?
- Dr Lisa Damour Talks Introverted Teens – Video (Check out Lisa’s other videos/podcasts for heaps of topics and advice).
- Parents.com | Worrying About Kids’ Friendships
Worried about… The Internet
There is no getting around screens, devices, internet and social media and the worries they bring. Even if your child doesn’t have a phone themselves – the internet is so intwined in daily functioning now, that worries will show up eventually. Here are some top places and services to prepare you for navigating the worries of an online generation.
More Places for More Information & Resources
- Your Real Guide To Real Parenting – Real Parents (NZ)
- Sparklers at Home (NZ)
- Parenting Place (NZ)
- Dr Lisa Damour – Parenting Expert (USA)
- Good Inside Parenting – YouTube (USA)
- Anxiety NZ – Welcome! (NZ)
- Headspace Breathers | Mindfulness for Kids and Families
- Wildling Books – Award-Winning Kids Books for Worry
- Anxiety Resources for Teens and Parents – Child Mind Institute
And what do I do when worry becomes something more?
Turning Worriers into Warriors is about giving parents tools to navigate the expected worry for a child’s age and stage. One of the key reasons we stress the importance of knowing what is expected for age/stage and what your child’s worry usually looks, sounds and feels like is so you are able to notice when something changes.
There are a few main things professionals and services are looking out for when worries may need more support and professional guidance and intervention:
- There is an impact on daily functioning
- Significant changes in mood
- Frequent, intense and long-lasting
- Withdrawing or avoiding activities or places due to fear
- Causing distress at home, school, and friendships
Getting support should begin by talking to school or a GP for further guidance and referrals to relevant services and supports. You can contact our Child and Youth Team for a self-referral form here: childyouth@clfs.co.nz (not all referrals will be suitable).